Chapter 16 – Night of Confusion

Once they arrived at the townhouse, there was little time to freshen up for dinner. This time, it wasn’t a grand reception like the night before, just an intimate family dinner with the Greystones and Innogen as a guest. And Valentina, of course. No foreign lords and no political maneuvering. At least, that seemed to be the plan.

Valentina first helped Beatrice help the duchess change her clothes, then hurried to her own chambers, where Margaret had already laid out a simple evening gown in muted grey.

The small dining room was cozier than the room where yesterday’s reception had taken place. Candles and oil lamps bathed the room in a warm and homely light. The table was set for six, and although the setting was deliberately modest, the servants had laid out the fine silverware.

Duke Cosimo was already seated at the head of the table, a goblet of wine in front of him, chatting quietly with Lorenzo, who was seated to his right. He looked a little tired, but not nearly as exhausted as he had been yesterday after his fight and the endless engagement reception. The duchess was seated to Cosimo’s left, elegant as always, and Lady Beatrice had taken a seat next to her.

When Innogen entered, the new sapphire bracelet on her wrist sparkled, eliciting a smile from the duchess. The duchess showed her to the seat opposite Lorenzo, and Valentina took her place further down the table, as befitted her position.

“Ah, wonderful, now we are all here,” announced Duke Cosimo, raising his goblet. “To an excellent evening.”

They drank, and then the servants brought in the first course while the duchess asked the duke about the status of the negotiations in Parliament.

“Parliament is making excellent progress,” Cosimo explained as he had game pâté placed on his plate. “The taxation measures are steadily gaining support, and even some of the more stubborn lords are slowly realizing that the investments made possible by them will benefit everyone.”

He spoke with his usual confidence, but Valentina, who knew him well enough by now, noticed something else beneath the surface. A certain tension in his shoulders, the way his eyes occasionally stared into space before he refocused on the conversation.

“He’s worried about something,” Vyxara remarked. “It seems it’s not yet decided.”

Valentina saw it. And when she glanced over at the duchess, she noticed that Rosalind saw it too. The older woman’s green eyes rested searchingly on her husband for a moment before she turned her attention back to the conversation.

“And how was your day, my dears?” Cosimo asked, clearly trying to change the subject. “Rosalind told me you visited the Hearth of Sommerland?”

“A most educational experience,” the duchess replied smoothly. “Illuminator Windbert was a knowledgeable guide. The architecture is truly impressive, especially the Chapter House with its stained glass windows.”

Not a word about Eastwald. Valentina was grateful for this omission.

Cosimo nodded, but his attention was already elsewhere. He listened, asked polite questions, but his mind was clearly on political matters.

The duchess took the opportunity to steer the conversation in a different direction. “Lady Innogen,” she said with a warm smile, “Valentina mentioned at lunch today that you are particularly skilled at manipulating Zît-Essence. I don’t know much about it, of course, but Lorenzo always says that it requires a particularly deft hand.”

Innogen blushed slightly. “You flatter me, Your Grace. I still have much to learn.”

“But you have a natural talent for it?” Lorenzo interjected. His voice was polite and gentle. “Professor Emberfell always scolded me for my handling of Zît. She says I just don’t have the necessary patience for it.”

“A little patience certainly doesn’t hurt,” Innogen replied, her gaze modestly lowered. “But you shouldn’t hide your light under a bushel, Lord Lorenzo. Your demonstration of healing yesterday was impressive.”

“Oh, it was really nothing special.” Lorenzo waved it off modestly. “To be honest, it was rather sloppy. I hardly had time to form a proper configuration.”

“Under the circumstances, it was a competent performance,” Valentina said before she could stop herself. “With nothing but ambient Essence available, it was remarkable that you were able to stop the bleeding so quickly.”

Lorenzo turned to her, and for a brief moment their eyes met. “I’m sure you could have done better, Valentina.”

The silence that followed lasted only a heartbeat, but it felt endless. Valentina noticed the duchess watching her and Innogen frowning slightly.

“Sir Neville Eastlessea could have used Valentina’s healing arts today,” Lady Beatrice interrupted with her usual lightheartedness, “Did you see how far he flew? And that disgusting noise when he landed!”

The tension dissolved into quiet laughter, and the conversation turned to the tournament. Cosimo praised Lorenzo’s victory from the previous day once more, and Innogen congratulated him again, which he returned just as politely.

It was painful to watch. Two intelligent, friendly people, whom she both liked very much, desperately trying to find a connection that simply wasn’t there. Their words were correct, their gestures appropriate, but there was no spark, no spontaneous warmth.

The duchess watched very closely. Valentina watched the duchess watching. And once, just for a moment, their eyes met, and Valentina knew that Rosalind knew that she had noticed too.

In the middle of the main course, while a servant was serving roasted wild boar with herbs, Cosimo’s valet appeared at his side and whispered something in his ear. Valentina saw the duke’s expression change and his eyes narrow.

“I must excuse myself,” he said, rising. “Urgent business that cannot be delayed.” He kissed his wife’s hand and nodded apologetically to Innogen. Then, as he passed Valentina, he leaned down briefly toward her.

“You don’t need to wait up for me tonight,” he whispered so softly that only she could hear.

She nodded almost imperceptibly, and then he was gone.

The atmosphere in the room changed subtly with his departure. It was as if someone had opened a window and let in some fresh air. Lorenzo seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, the tension in his shoulders noticeably easing. Even the duchess seemed a little more relaxed.

“Well then,” said Rosalind, reaching for her wine goblet, “without my husband here, perhaps we can chat a little more freely. Lady Innogen, tell me more about your home. The Western Marches fascinate me. I’ve never been there.”

Innogen’s eyes lit up. “Oh, it’s beautiful there, Your Grace, though of course it’s harsher than here on the coast. The mountains of the Summercrest Range are covered with snow in winter, and you can see eagles circling above the peaks. In summer, the valleys are full of wildflowers, and the air is so clear that you feel you could see forever across the plains to the far west.”

“And it’s dangerous, I suppose?” asked Lorenzo, whose interest was clearly piqued. “I’ve heard that the Marcher Lords still have to contend with goblins and other viles creatures every year.”

“There are always threats at the border,” Innogen admitted. “When the goblins and other creatures aren’t causing trouble, it’s the Ny-Tau tribes. But that’s what we’re there for after all. My father always says that we Ashbournes are the realm’s shield against what lurks beyond the mountains.”

Lorenzo listened attentively, asking questions about life on the frontier, about the fortresses, and what strategies the Marcher Lords used in their battles, and suddenly something resembling a conversation began between them. Of course, it wasn’t a romantic spark that flew between them, but perhaps, Valentina thought as she watched the two, perhaps it was the beginning of a possible friendship.

The thought should have relieved her. Instead, she felt a strange twinge in her chest.

“Part of you wants them to hate each other, so you can have them for yourself,” Vyxara remarked gently.

“Shut up,” Valentina thought back, but it felt true enough that she was a bit ashamed of it.

When dessert was served, candied fruit and sweet tartlets, Innogen stifled a yawn behind her hand.

“My dear,” said the duchess sympathetically, “you must be exhausted. It has been a long day with many impressions. Perhaps we should send for your escort?”

“That would be very kind, Your Grace,” Innogen replied gratefully. “It has been a wonderful day, but I must confess that fatigue is overcoming me.”

The duchess nodded and gave instructions to a servant. “A messenger is to be sent to the Ashbourne townhouse. Lady Innogen’s escort is to pick her up.”

They rose from the table and walked together to the entrance hall, where the cool night air streamed in through the open windows.

“Lady Innogen, it has been a sincere pleasure to have you with us today. I very much hope that we will spend many more days like this together in the coming weeks.”

“The pleasure was all mine, Your Grace,” Innogen replied with a deep curtsy. “I am deeply grateful for your hospitality.”

Lorenzo stepped forward and bowed formally over Innogen’s hand, hinting at a kiss. “I hope you enjoyed your day, Lady Innogen.”

“I did, Lord Lorenzo. Very much so.”

Then the duchess pulled Lorenzo aside to quietly tell him something about tomorrow’s engagements. Almost at the same moment, Lady Beatrice asked the housekeeper, who had hurried over, an urgent question about the household supplies. It was such a perfect opportunity that Valentina couldn’t help wondering if it was intentional.

Suddenly, she and Innogen found themselves standing a little apart. Not alone, but not directly observed either. A few precious moments.

“Today was wonderful,” Innogen whispered softly.

Valentina frowned. “Wonderful? We didn’t even have time alone for us. We-“

Innogen shook her head gently, and a tender smile played around her lips. “Wonderful because I spent it with you. Just being near you, hearing your voice, watching how you react to things…” She paused, and something vulnerable shimmered in her eyes. “Even the difficult moments were bearable because you were there.”

The words stuck in Valentina’s throat. She felt something in her chest, something warm and confusing that she couldn’t name. It might not have been quite the same as what Innogen was feeling, but it was something.

“You’re right. Having you around,” she heard herself whisper, “made the day… better. Having you in my life makes my life better. It feels precious.”

Innogen’s eyes lit up, and for a moment, the whole world seemed to stand still.

Then the sound of horses’ hooves echoed in the courtyard.

“The Ashbourne escort has arrived,” announced a servant.

The last formal farewells were exchanged. Innogen curtsied to the duchess, to Lorenzo and thanked everyone once more for the wonderful day. Then she walked to the door, accompanied by her guards.

She paused on the threshold and looked back one last time, her eyes meeting Valentina’s, and then she was gone into the night, and the door closed behind her.

“I think we should all retire,” said the duchess, her voice cutting through Valentina’s emotional turmoil. “It’s been a long day, and Parliament will continue tomorrow. Besides, the grand finale of the tournament is coming up.”

Valentina murmured her agreement and excused herself to her chambers.

~

Margaret helped her out of her evening gown with some difficulty, as Valentina felt heavy and sluggish. When the nightgown slipped over her head, she dismissed the maid.

She sat down by the slightly open window and looked out into the dark night that had swallowed Innogen.

“How are you feeling?” Vyxara asked gently.

“You know how I feel,” Valentina replied mockingly.

“I want to talk to you about it anyway,” Vyxara replied patiently. “Formulating thoughts and feelings creates clarity.”

Valentina sighed and struggled for words. “The day was wonderful, but it was like wearing a corset that was too tight all day, or… I don’t know,” she sighed again. “Everything is so hopelessly tangled.”

“The different ways you desire are so peculiar,” Vyxara remarked thoughtfully. “Something like with the Tower is relatively easy to understand. The thing with Innogen is… a little more difficult. But you can’t pretend it doesn’t exist either.”

Valentina leaned her head against the wall of the window alcove. What she felt for Innogen might not be just friendship. But she didn’t know what it was. It wasn’t that consuming desire that overwhelmed her when she thought about what the Tower could do to her. Or sometimes when she was with Cosimo. Or with someone like Hobkin. Or with… men in general.

But it wasn’t nothing either. It was just so damn confusing. And even if it wasn’t nothing, she wasn’t sure if that confusing something was enough for Innogen.

“You know,” Vyxara said gently, “you’re allowed to just feel what you feel? You don’t have to ‘solve’ it.”

“At least not now,” Valentina thought back. “But… oh, I don’t know.”

Yet tonight, she wanted to allow herself just to feel the confusing truth. Whatever that was.

Finally, she got up and went to bed. Exhaustion overcame her after only a short time.

Her dreams were restless and unsettled, but they weren’t nightmares. She saw golden hair and blue eyes. She felt Innogen’s lips on hers, tasted her flavor. There was a bracelet whose sapphires sparkled in the candlelight.

And the Tower was above her, and his massive body moved between her legs.

“We really must make his acquaintance,” Vyxara whispered lazily in Valentina’s dreaming mind.